What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
