I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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