i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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