please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
