I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
