well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
