Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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