Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
