JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
