I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
