i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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