Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
