I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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