Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
