My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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