no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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