dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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