made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
