3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
