New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
