Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
