Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
