i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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