Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
