how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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