i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
