the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
