How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
that's an acceptable place to lick
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
