Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
