the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
