Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
