If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
