I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
