She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
