Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
