Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
