I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
