turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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