I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
