Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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