So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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