i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
