I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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