STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
