Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
