just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
