It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
