break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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