Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I think people are normalizing furries
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
