What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
