Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
