Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
